♥ Ain't gettin' paid to dance ♥

OMG my song!!

2004-12-22T07:47:36Z

This is my fave song. It was SO the story of my life like a year ago. Hell yes.

With his converse tied real tight, he might just be my boy always, for all days.
The first boy I've known to get straight A's and appear in every one of my high school plays.
Mozart blasting from his Volvo, and there's tape on his glasses, in charge of hall passes.
Not the kind of guy I'm mostly seen with.
I go for thug or Abercrombie & Fitch, with a little bit of skater boy here and there, not a guy who doesn't even show his underwear when he sags his pants.
But I wanna go with him to the school dance and have him be my date.
But I'm afraid that he doesn't know how to move, and everybody would flip and have a cow.
Now just because he brings his lunch packed, the situation I'm facing is jacked.

I wouldn't call him fly, suspenders and a bowtie.
I wouldn't call him the man, but he can still hang with Fan.

Not the same as the description I saw in my dreams, but they say nothing is quite like it seems.
So even though you see his socks when he walks and his pants are so tight circulation's cut off, I think I should give him a chance and ignore his metal braces and tight pants.
But my friends disagree.
They disapprove of my plans to make a move.
But it would behoove me to not pay attention to them.
My friends just don't understand, just cause he's not the man.
They try to act hard now, pretend like they floss. We'll see who's laughin' when my geek is their boss.
Maybe he doesn't have experience with dates, but I bet the same thing happened to Bill Gates.
So even though he doesn't have Sean John or Girbaud,
I got love for my geek.
I want everyone to know.

OH NO

2004-12-22T06:46:29Z

FUCKING SHIT!!!!!!!!! I AM SO FUCKING PISSED OFF

1. MY COMPUTER IS A WORTHLESS MOUND OF SHIT WITH NO USE OR PURPOSE EXCEPT TO GET ME SO ANGRY THAT I HAVE A HEART ATTACK AND DIE.
2. MY DAD WILL NOT GET OFF MY CASE ABOUT CLEANING MY ROOM
3. I WILL NOT STOP YELLING AT MY POOR FATHER
4. AND MY ROOM IS STILL A FUCKING DISASTER AND I HATE CLEANING!!!!!!!!!!!!
5. AM I ON MY FUCKIGN PERIOD OR NOT???????/
6. MY BROTHER'S PUBERTY VOICE IS DRIVING ME NUTS
7. I AM INSANE.
8. MY EAR HURTS BECAUSE I AM COMPLETELY SPAZTIC
9. PLEASE GOD LET ME BE PMSING BECAUSE IF THIS IS NORMAL I SHOULD PROBABLY THROW MYSELF OFF A BRIDGE NOW
10. I DIDN'T GET ENOUGH PROTEIN, FUCK!!
11. I AM SICK
12. I AM SO INCREDIBLY IRRITABLE!! AHHHHH!!!
13. AHHHHHHHHH
14. AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!1
15. shit.

Happy Holidays... I should make a Christmas album...

2004-12-14T04:22:34Z

I just walked through cat vomit. I know that's really gross and weird, but like my cat barfed on the floor and I just walked through and it I didn't know what it was so I just starting wiping it with my hand... ew. Fucking gross, and a fucking run on sentence too. I still haven't taken a shower. I just wasted time. So, today I had finals review pretty much all day, then I had play practice after school which actually went quite well, except that during the last hour I went all a.d.d. and couldn't concentrate on anything. I use that term a lot lately but I don't actually have a.d.d.. Well I could possibly but I mean I don't think I do. Yep. Tomorrow I have a geometry final and then I have two hours of being Mr. COok's ta. Fun fun. Maybe I can do my english log!! Perfecto. Then we get out of school at noon, yay, and I am going to my sister's play at six. I don't even know what play it is, all I know is that she has to wear a hat with a bunch of fruits on it. Wednesday I have my english and US history final, ew for both, not excited. Thursday I have chemistry (fucking shoot me please...no don't, on the Degrassi episode two people get shot and it was really sad and scary, I cried, so please don't shoot ANYONE actually) then I have a PE final and we are running a mile. Woot woot. Physical activity in PE? What the hell is going on in this world (not that I'm complaining... believe me... I enjoy putting sweats on over my clothes so I can sit and do nothing with Marlee for an hour everyday)??? Friday is the last day, I'm not sure if I am going or not. I might have to so that I get some business taken care of, I'm not sure. What I am sure of is that my grades are insanely low. My parents will not be pleased. I will not be pleased. This is a bad thing for everyone. My new years resolution is to get good grades... no really... I have no excuse besides chronic laziness. DAMMIT WHY AM I SO LAZY?? I don't care, it's all good. Okay now I nEED to take a shower because I didn't before when I said I was going to.

Don't change your name, keep it the same for I fear I may lose you again.

2004-12-14T02:43:55Z

Happy birthday Tom Delonge.

I am really bored. NOT looking forward to finals tomorrow...I am pretty much screwed. What am I doing? Am I fuckin crazy?? I should definitely be studying but oh well. I have my geometry final tomorrow and if I get an A on it then I will get a B in the class, but I doubt I will so why am I worrying about it. SChool blows, thank God it is soon to be over (for two weeks anyway). I don't feel that good right now :( THIS FREAKIN BLOWS!!! I just want to get through finals and get on with my life. I just ate like a thousand marshmallows!!! I also kind of want to adopt a Southern accent... I don't really know why.

I'm confused as usual.

Speaking of confused, I have to teach myself two chapters of chemistry because the poor sub has no clue what the hell he is talking about.

HOW THE HELL IS 37 OUT OF 50 A 48% ????????? YEAH fuck well I don't know either, but according to Mr. Blank's insane grading system that's what it is!!! Grr that man is really getting on my last and final nerve and he acts more and more like George Bush every day. It is really out of hand and I am positive that he hates me very much, which gets really annoying. WHY WHY WHY??

Hey the new Degrassi episode is so pooping good!! I laughed and I cried! Even the new Radio Free Roscoe episode is good, and usually I hate that show!! And the new O'Grady episode is fairly good, but it hasn't exceeded its usual brilliance like the new Degrassi has. YAY FOR THE N!!!

I need to go take a shower now...

"My life is an emo song"

2004-12-06T00:35:26Z

Well I am just about ready to slit my wrists and throw myself off a cliff. COULD THIS HOUSE BE ANY MORE DEPRESSING????? I am such fuckin emo crap right now. I need to get out. Ohhhhh my GOD I am going to the mall with my mom in a little while. This is hella good because I think I would drop dead if I had to stay in this house any longer. The play is over. It went okay overall; last night was fucking so good!! Then the cast party was afterward, and that had it's share of really fun and really boring moments. Anyway, I slept like three hours so I am cranky and also a little depressed about the show being over (yep, I actually will miss this play). I don't know what I'm thinking right now. My head really isn't clear, I shouldn't be trying to communicate with anyone right now. Okay this song is hella good.

Hey livejournal...I'm still alive!!! Yay!!!

2004-11-02T08:06:33Z

Fuck me. Life is crazy.

The play is FRIGHTENING, but I have faith that it will be...something kind of good.

My computer sucks balls.

My grades are dying and I'm planning the funerals.

I want to do "indy study" SO F-ING BAD!!!

My hair smells like smoke machine smoke.

I want to sleep so bad...

I love you all. I MISS you all.

I have a chem test tomorrow. Goodbye A in chemistry...it was nice knowing you.

Boys...boys.

It's fucking freezing cold. FUCK! SLEEP!!!!

Winter break...you don't even know...you couldn't come quick enough.

I have "Into the Woods" songs stuck in my head and I can't get them out.

There will be a party soon and I am excited.

School is absolutely terrible and horrific and just plain bad.

I am failing geometry...can you say loser??

Anyway, I hate school.

Halloween was fun because it was Halloween.

My birthday was HELLA fun.

I'm sixteen now. I was fifteen last time I updated.

Urban Outfitters is just like totally beautiful.

I want to sleep in late tomorrow because I NEED to, and not go to school because it's disgusting, and sit in bed with my cat and read good books until play practice. (Although the ideal day would not consist of play practice, I have to include it because the play opens this week and GOD KNOWS we need every sad, pitiful moment of practice we can manage.) Then after play practice I want to come home and listen to music and go to sleep whenever I feel like it.

But no.

Tomorrow I will wake up far earlier than is healthy for my cranky, fatigued teenage body. I will then be exhausted and spaced out for the rest of the day. I will walk into geometry fifteen minutes late, if I walk in at all, and be completely lost. I will not have my english homework done for the trizillionth time this quarter. I will fail my chem test. I will fail everything. I will sleep while I'm awake. I will hate every moment of school. And I'll go to play practice until eleven o' clock at night and then come home and do something stupid and go to sleep.

And it sucks. Bye.

If you die before you should at least you know that you'll look good

2004-09-24T05:32:17Z

HEY, LONG TIME!!!! So I am just sitting here listening to Reggie & the Full Effect because he is so funny and retardedly genius and I want to marry him tomorrow. Not today though, cause I'm sleepy. I go to bed fairly early these days, I'm a loser. I'm a good loser though!! So this weekend I did some thinking (not really, I just had an idea that popped into my head...it didn't require any thinking) and I came to the conclusion that I need to drive soon. Legally. And safely. Which would require a permit, some training and eventually a license. I had kind of planned on not getting my license until I was eighteen. Plus Chrystal told me she would drive me everywhere because that bitch likes to drive. I figured since most of my friends drive and my parents don't mind giving me rides, I could manage to be transported to most places. But then this weekend came along and I asked myself a few questions. What if all my friends are at their places of employment, a place I don't have? What if my friends decide to hate me and refuse to drive me anywhere? What if my parents are busy and don't feel like giving me a ride? WHAT IF I NEED TO GO SOMEWHERE ALONE?? Basically I need to drive!! I have a car waiting for me!! I should stop being a lazy butt and take advantage of that! So, I turn sixteen in almost exactly a month. Sweeet sixteen woo woo!! Speaking of birthdays, HAPPY B-DAY SPACE CASE EVEN THOUGH IT WAS YESTERDAY! Anyway, back to my selfish journal entry... Man, I haven't even taken drivers ed! Maybe this is my plan: take drivers ed over October break. Or not. Just take it before, say, November. Then get my permit before the end of the year, GOD WILLING!!! Then drive my heart out and get my license by FUCK FUCK FUCK JULY??? That's so far away! And that's only if I'm ultra good and take drivers ed and pass the permit test and all those other things I probably won't do. AARGHH!!! Well, that's okay. I just gotta do it!! School is okay, thanks for asking. It's better than before. I don't totally despise it anymore. It's pretty much okay. The play is okay too, except for the fact that I am NOT a gifted singer; I am not really a singer at all. I am just an actress who was thrown into a singing role and is now confused, lost, and STRESSED!!! AHH!!! Anyway, things will be okay. I was so sleepy today. Hmm. Weird. But basically, life is beautiful!! I have lots of homework to do. I am thinking...I have english homework but I forgot my book at school, so I will do it during TA second period. I have hella history homework, and stupid me, I forgot that book at school too!! So I guess I will jam pack my TA period and finish my english and history. It sucks, because both of them HAVE to be turned in, otherwise my grades shall SUFFER!! So, the homework I CAN do is chemistry. Well, I guess I have to get to that soon. I am too sleepy! I am like in a trance! I don't wanna do chem homework...booo hooo!!!! Okay I'll do it. Bye all you sluts and coke heads...if you're not a slut or a coke head, stop reading my journal. I am gonna make my journal "Sluts and Coke Heads Only! Comment to be added!" instead of like "Friends Only". LOL well no I'm not. Dare to dream. Okay this time it's for reals...BYE FOR NOW!!

You doing that thing you do, breaking my heart into a million pieces like you always do

2004-08-29T00:24:21Z

Oh I am in a weird mood. This morning I woke up feeling pretty crazy. I swear to God, my mind was racing at the speed of light. I can't explain it that well, but wow, it was crazy and really bad. It all started last night...

Because my sleeping time has been extremely minimal this week, by the last half hour or so of the dance, I was exhausted. I guess I was a little bored, and I didn't really know anyone besides The Artists Formerly Known as "The Adams" (lol, Chels) considering I don't attend Carmel High, so I guess my mixture of exhaustion, slight boredom, and ascetic behavior resulted in me not having the most kick ass time of all eternity. Whatever, it wasn't bad at all, it was kind of fun. For the most part it was pretty fun just hanging out and stuff. Anyway, when I got home I was crazy tired and passed out almost immediately after hitting the couch. I only dozed off for about ten minutes, then got up, got my pj's on, washed my face, brushed my teeth, and got a blanket out of my room so I could sleep on the couch (I did this all with my eyes half shut, mind you) because it just wasn't a bed night. So the tv was blasting really loud. I didn't give much of a fuck though, because I was too tired. Okay, so sleeping with the tv on is not good for your brain, so maybe that's why when I woke up this morning, I was in a frighteningly abnormal state. The first time I got up it was like six thirty and I was rather delirious

MOTHER FUCKER I just looked down and my beautiful Raibow Brite watch and the fucking rubber stripey loop that goes around the circle is GONE!!!!!!!! FUCK your couch nigga, this sucks balls!!!! Ew, I'm taking it off, this depresses me. Fuckin bitch this was my second Rainbow Brite watch and it's dead. AHH this blows kind of. I don't care anymore. Back to my story.

and the tv was blaring and I realized that it was driving me insane so I turned it off and went back to sleep. Then, at about seven forty five, my parents are up and busy in the kitchen and living room and totally waking me up. The sun was so bright this morning that as soon as I opened my eyes I realized I couldn't go back to sleep. I felt completely drugged or something. Not that I would know what feeling drugged feels like, but yeah, my mental state was really off. My mind was racing. I had a million thoughts whizzing through my brain. It was almost like I was dreaming but I was awake. I felt so weird and confused. I couldn't even think about one thing at a time. EVERYTHING was blurry. It felt like when you shake up a snow globe and all the glitter flies everywhere and you can't even see the inside because it's just like sparkle sparkle sparkle, and eventually it all settles to the bottom like normal, but for a while there it's just like woo crazy everywhere and moving fast and darting every which way. Yeah that's what my freakin brain felt like, and there was nothing I could do. I couldn't even pinpoint what the hell was wrong with me because I was dreadfully off. I had to kind of just sit, confused, and pet my cat for an hour or so while the "glitter" settled.

Ew fuck. The fact that today is so damn beautiful depresses me so much more. I am sitting home completely alone. My siblings are at their friend's houses and my parents are out of town for the night because it's their anniversary. I am supposed to go to Marlee's later but now I may not be able to, in which case I don't know what the fuck I'll do. No but really, I wish it were foggy. I wish it were foggy and ugly because when it's sunny and completely gorgeous outside it makes me realize that everyone else is out with their friends enjoying the day and the fact that it's Saturday, one of only two glorious days a week that I'm not expected to go to school. I hate that I'm wasting a Saturday. For someone who hates school as much as I do, you'd think I'd take advantage of a Saturday. And it's so much better than a Sunday, because on Sundays you still have that one little thought in the back of your mind reminding you that you have to go to school tomorrow, and that you still have hours of homework that needs to but won't be finished. Saturdays just don't have that shitty feeling, because you can stay up late and sleep in the next day and you still have a whole day do put off your homework. It's like no worries.

People are so funny. Where is blink-182? He is too cute. I ate too much. My phone hasn't rung today. It is far too late. Sorry. Wavy is my new straight, in case I haven't told you. I'm going insane in this house.

I've been sitting in silence for a little too long. The tv's not on and I haven't played any music. Maybe I should put on some music. All I can hear clearly is the buzz of the computer, the buzz from the refrigerator, and the sound of cars driving around outside. Ew this is pissing me off. What do I do??? By the way, if anyone cares (lol right), I found the missing piece from my Raibow Brite watch. YAY!!

So I started this long, boring entry feeling awfully weird, but now I just feel lonely and depressed. LOL!!!!!!!!! Maybe that's because I'm writing in a motherfucking livejournal. I think you can start an entry in any mood and always end it feeling lonely and depressed, just because the whole idea of livejournal is rather lonely and depressing, writing your thoughts to the internet world and all. God this is so much fun. Oh I hate the how the DLI plays those horns at five o clock. No actually I just hate it right now because I feel that they're trying to mock me. I feel like going crazy. I'm getting hyper and antsy. LOL it sounds like birds are having sex outside my house. They are being hella loud too. Oh look I said "hella". I must suck for sure. And I should really stop starting wars with countries I shouldn't have. And I should really stop taking advantage of younger kids for my own sexual reasons. And I should really stop taking drugs in populated areas (here is where the senseless, psychotically violent death wish rant in all capital letters should go. oh yeah, spell like everything wrong and don't use any grammatical skills at all. we don't believe in punctuation). LOL no one gets this.

Having braces straighten your teeth and getting them off is so much more exciting than being born with straight, perfect teeth. You really get to enjoy them. I don't know. Thank God for braces because I've had them off for almost three weeks and I'm still in love with my naked teeth. I'm kind of in love with my retainer too, but it smells like shit, so that's why it's only "kind of".

Goodbye. I don't know what I'm gonna do now, but I'm getting the hell away from this computer.

I'd rather run away with you and never spend another day at home

2004-08-20T06:24:39Z

So...long time no update, EH?!?!?!?!??! School is, of course, sucking. What did we expect?? But no, really. I've almost survived the first three weeks of my junior year of high school. Ew man, I really should be sleeping or doing homework right now. Those are two nice things that I haven't been doing much of lately. It's kind of a crappy combo for school the next day. It's like, "Yo, I have no clue as to what's happening in class because I haven't done homework in days and I'm half asleep and therefore cannot pay attention now. Yeah!!!" Jeez, it sucks. That's why my Academic Reform will begin Monday August 23, 2004. It would start tomorrow, but that's too soon. I need a couple days to prepare. Weeee I'm going to the fair this weekend!!!! That better be fun. I think it will be. All I know is that I can't go on that one spinny ride because the last two years in a row, I have been peer pressured to go on it against my will. The result was me being really throwy uppy, and pissed off because of it. OH shit, the other night I totally got molested by this mosquito. He had a freakin buffet. I have four and a half bites (the half is because I'm not sure if it's another bite, or if it's just like some extension of another one...I don't know) ...two and a half on my arm, one on my leg, and one on my head, dammit!!! Hopefully I don't have the West Nile.

Things were good when we were young

2004-07-27T07:54:11Z

This past week has been totally shit, basically. I've been depressed beyond all reason and I have barely left my house. Yes, Chrystal saved me on a few occasions where we went to see Napoleon Dynamite (just the funniest movie ever) and went to the lake and stuff, but if it weren't for her I'd have spent nearly the entire week sitting in my house. I'm way antisocial and I don't even know how to interact with humans anymore. I truly don't. My siblings make fun of me for being such a loser. I find that lately, although I'm not content sitting at home, I don't even want to go out. My social life is not looking at a bright future. Anyway, that's why I have a livejournal, right? So, let's waste time. My fucking retarded day: I woke up at like noon and just sat on the couch for like an hour or so. Then I went back to my bed and ended up falling asleep for like an hour. Then I got up and made some food and stuff. Then I went into my parents room and watched tv and just sat for a while. This went on until about six when I went to dinner with my family and my cousins. We went to El Indio and the waiter was crazy. After that, my cousins came over and we rented Bowling For Columbine. It was pretty funny and interesting, I guess. So that was my day. Maybe yours was more exciting, I don't know.

One week left of summer? What the fuck?

I was looking forward to going back to school for like a minute but now I realized that I am really not. There is nothing I can do. I don't care anymore.

This is confusing. Everything is so complicated now. I'm lost. Bye.

STORY TIME!!!

2004-07-19T05:06:47Z

Okay, fuckin story time!!! I cannot stop laughing, which is a nice change from the depression and fatigue that has plagued me since I woke up this morning (afternoon, actually).

Yesterday, in the two hours we had to fuck around before Chelsea's new flight (she missed her first one, LOL), we all decided to go to Taco Bell. I hadn't eaten there in like six months. I got a bean and cheese burrito like always, but sadly it was shit. Chrystal and my mom on the other hand, got quesadillas (which we pronounce "kwayz-day-laz", by the way). I probably spelled that wrong, but I don't really care. Anyways, there was fuckin FUZZ all over their quesadillas!! And not moldy fuzz, but like actual linty, soft fuzz!!! Fuck me up the ass, I am laughing so hard. "Did a teddy bear make my kwayz day la???". OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know it's not funny now, but shit, I am laughing so hard I'm crying. God, I wish you all could feel the joy!!

MILK.

So, my day. I slept through my morning plans, which was shopping with Chrystal, and my plans for later, which were watching movies with Adam and Adam, got cancelled. I slept instead, like the sloth that I am.

Okay, so, now I am sitting with two big cups of water in front of me and taking turns drinking out of them. It's because I filled one up but I forgot it was there, so I filled up another one and now I have two!!!!!!

xtakexmexawyx (9:13:15 PM): yeah i think ill have to bring my razor the next time i go to taco bell

Stupid stupid stupid...

2004-07-13T08:11:32Z

It was so funny...today I was in Starbucks with Stal, and Chris and Katie (the happy couple) walk in...dun dun dun. Chris looked way awkward and Katie said hi, and so we said hi to both of them. I wanted to totally embarass him and be like "Chris, you left your boxers in my room the other night", because he did, but I held back. I didn't want to start any shit between him and Katie, although it's really inevitable. Anyway, that's not what was funny. Wait, I shouldn't really say it's funny. That's a bad way to start off a story, especially one of my stories, because usually they're not funny at all. So nevermind, none of it is funny and I'm not telling the story anymore. Haha you fuckers.

Tonight I saw "Anchorman". No one should see it. It was stupid as hell. Haha Chelsea's trying to make jell-o. I don't know why that's funny. I guess you have to be in my house watching. WOW IT SMELLS SO FRUITY AND GOOD!!!!!!

It was funny seeing Chris tonight. He steals so many cd's from me. I also saw Kat Dog. That was cool. Chelsea doesn't believe in bubbles. I fucking do, though. Chelsea is also leaving in a week. That should be weird.

I want to go shopping! YAY!!!!!

For some reason it doesn't feel like I've done anything at all in the past several weeks. Maybe because we do the same kind of thing every day. Oh well, it's fun enough for me.

What the hell is on my mind??

The other day I read back through a bunch of my livejournal entries. Anyone who knows me solely from my entries must think I'm completely nuts. Oh well. I am.

I'm done. I smell my hair a lot.

appleshamp0o @ 2004-07-07T21:54:00

2004-07-08T06:45:25Z

There is so much hate!! I can't stand it. I just wish everyone would get along. Sometimes I watch people act like complete douche bags, and I just want to slap them and be like "BE NICE, YOU FUCKER!!!!!". I don't know. There's nothing I can do, really, so I don't know why the fuck I let it bother me so much. It just pisses me off to know that if I threw a party and invited all my friends, there would be cliques and people not talking to people and people not coming because certain people would be there and so on. It's dumb, but I guess there's always going to be people who don't get along for whatever reason. It just makes me sad to see my friends hurting so much, that's all.

I'll be the waterwings that save you if you start drowning in an open tub

2004-07-03T08:21:00Z

I'm so happy right now!!!!

I have no money. I am very poor. I suck my parents dry (WOO!!) and waste way too much money on Starbucks. Plus, I am very stingy with all the money I have lying around my bedroom because, well, it's mine.

My hair straightener has been shot to hell, so I have to get a new one!!! My hair is hella damaged and needs to be cut very, very soon. YAY!!!!!!! My hair is sucking. But some people have no hair, so I should be grateful. My hair rocks! It's so hot and I can't wait to dye it again so it's even hotter! And when I get my new straightener it's gonna be hott-EST!!! YEAH!!!

I am a terrible guitarist. My guitar playing is like a natural disaster or something. Some can foresee it, but no one can stop it. It's just a devestating thing that happens every once in a while. I should do the art of music (not to mention everyone on this earth) a favor and never touch one again. But I know I will...haha, motha fuckas.

I am having severe stomach pains at this moment because I ate wayyy too much. I can't tell when I am full. So I'm in extreme pain, but because of good food, so I guess it's worth it. I hate it when you eat crappy ass food and then eat too much. It feels like a waste of stomach space.

Warped Tour 2004? Won't be there. Yes, I told many I was going, because I thought I was, but sometimes shit doesn't work out. Oh well. I've missed better things.

Despite all that, I am very happy. Actually, all of that makes me happy. I don't know why. I'm just out of my mind. I want it to be summer forever. Everything is so pretty right now!!!!!

Somebody go shopping with me (and buy everything) !!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't even care anymore. About anything. I used to care, but now I don't. How fuckin punk rock am I??

Just kidding. I care about lots of things, like animals and the ozone. I guess I'm not so rad.

Goodnight bitches. I love you all!!!!

happy summer!!

2004-06-28T23:14:09Z

Whoa I haven't updated in like, forever.

Summer is great!! It is going by fast though. I cannot even begin to explain how ecstatic I am to know that I still have a good month before I go back to school. Everything is fun. I get to hang out with my friends all the time and I can sleep in as late as I want...it's great. Chelsea's here, so that's really cool. I got to see blink, which was totally incredible. It was seriously fucking awesome. Yeah, so everything is fine.

I'm soo lazy right now (uhh what else is new??). It's so weird how I can have so much on my mind but be able to write so little of anything at all on here. Maybe livejournal is pointless for me. Oh well. I want to have a party soon, so look forward to it. That's it guys.

School sucks, but that's okay because today was the last day! Woo hoo!!

2004-06-05T07:07:46Z

I'm at Chrystal's house right now...her and Marlee are asleep in her bed. When I eventually do get tired, I am wondering just how I am going to wedge myself in, seeing how they look so comfortable sprawled out on the bed, leaving not much room for me. Hmm, well, I feel like a freaking loser because my friends are sleeping and no one is online. That's because it's Friday night, duh. I am the only loser that goes online. Seriously, I am the only one not on away messages or signed on their phone. LOL. It's funny in a sad way.

Today was the last day of school. I am so overjoyed. I have a few thoughts that need to be expressed:

Fuck school.

Fuck my teachers. All of them.

Fuck school again.

That's all. I just wanted to let that out. You know, in all the past years, I have counted down the days until school got out. I would be anticipating summer vacation for weeks!! But this year, it didn't really phase me at all. It hasn't even clicked. It feels like I'm going back to school on Monday. I guess I was just too busy to countdown or get all excited this year. I'm happy, don't get me wrong. I am EXTREMELY happy!!!! It was only today that my true hate and disgust for school was born. Maybe that was because I got my crappy fuck grades from my crappy fuck teachers. Oh well. I am trying very hard not to care.

So today I went to school and everyone was just signing yearbooks (which I never ended up buying, lol) and getting grades and shit. It was boring and we left. Stal, Marlee, Casey and Sam and I went to Rosine's and that was pretty good. Then we went to the mall and I got this ring...it is way bling. Then we went to Stal's house and we "Punk'd" Sam so good...it was hilarious, but I am too lazy to write about it. Anyway, we've just been all over the place today and I had a good time, even though I was exhausted all day. It always works out that way...I'm ready to fall asleep all day, but then when it's totally time for me to go to bed, I am wide awake. GRRR!!

I am watching Drop Dead Gorgeous. It is pretty funny, even though I've seen in like six thousand times before.

OMG I missed the Degrassi Season premiere! How sad. I was supposed to have a party for it too, but it didn't work for tonight. I'll watch it tomorrow or something; they'll only play it a billion times between now and next week's episode.

I'm so bored. God, the movie is over. Now I'm depressed. I'm really special-ed when it comes to technical devices that I'm not fully familiar with, i.e. Chrystal's television and DVD player, so I'm not sure if I can change it from DVD mode to cable mode. Now the movie is going to be over and the stupid selection screen music will play over and over and they will be sleeping and I'll be awake by myself not knowing how to get the tv to play channels or anything and this is so depressing!! I need to figure out how to get to the cable. Knowing myself, I will change it to like a static channel where the volume is blasting and not know how to change it and wake up everyone in the house, lol. Sad but true. Okay the credits are almost over, and my depression is soaring. Wow I just changed the channel on the tv with no difficulties. WOO!! Shit, I made a bigger deal out of that then was necessary.

I'm happy school is over. I'm happy that I get to sleep in for a while. I've been a bitch lately. Sorry.

Later!!

So like...

2004-05-28T08:20:07Z

Hello everyone. I am going to be in LA for the whole weekend because my aunt is getting married. I am not really excited and we are leaving right after I get picked up from school. How sucky. So that stupid ass world history project--whatever, dude. Since I couldn't print anything, I tediously wrote everything out in marker to be pasted onto construction paper. Not only are there no pictures, but it looks like the work of a first grader. At least it's something, though.

My week started out bad but then it turned good. LA last weekend was such a fucking blast. My cousins and I drove to LA to see On-Air with Ryan Seacrest, his tv show. They are totally obsessed with him, and now I am too. It was sooo much fun dude!! He's so hot in person, and he's not even that short! I know, on tv he looks like you could fit him in a bottle, but he's really not that short!!! The show itself was crap, duh, but Ryan's good looks and pathetic jokes made up for it like 100%. We video documented our journey. It is called "The Quest for Seacrest", and that was only part one. Too bad American Idol is over. I won't get to see Ryan's fine ass on tv every week. LOL. Speaking of American Idol, I was totally going for Diana and she lost. F that. That totally sucks. Fantasia is just good at screaming and dancing really bad and making it sound like she's in a lot of pain, but that's about it. Oh well. She's not that bad, really. She just really irritates me for some reason.

So after I got back from LA on Monday, everything turned back to shit. The past couple weeks had been depressing; I don't even know why. I felt really alone, even though I was surrounded by my friends and stuff. I just felt distant, I guess. It feels like I've lost control of everything. Seriously, everything I know has spun out of control. I guess that was making me depressed. The last few days have been way better, not that anything was terribly bad in the first place. I think that finals are to blame...finals get me really stressed out, and when I get stressed out, I get depressed. That's just the way I work. So yeah. Problem solved.

I cannot believe that there is only like a week left of school. How happy is this?!?!?! Oh yeah, new layout. It's crap, but oh well. I needed a change.

Peace out guys. LA tomorrow. I will have the cell, so if you're bored this weekend, hit me up!!!

Later<3!

May the force be with you.

2004-05-28T06:40:32Z

Okay, the forces are totally, for sure against me:

I decided to do my world history homework for once, since we are approaching the end of the year and all, so I spend two hours getting everything together for this project. Moments ago, I go to print, and, unfortunate as it is, my printer does not work. I was not meant to succeed in world history.

And that, my friends, is why the forces are against me. Once again.

What?? Okay!!

2004-05-18T07:31:55Z

I must be on crack right now, because I have hella homework due tomorrow, but I plan to do none of it tonight. I'm just gonna wake up way too early tomorrow and finish it. I cannot do it tonight. I should be sleeping, then!! Hello!!?? Let's see...my lab report is due tomorrow in bio. Please. Like I even know where the hell I threw those scraps of paper. In world history, this week's homework is due, and we're quizzing on it...umm, God help me. My class notebook is due in english. That won't be too bad (I say that now, but tomorrow in class I will most likely find out that I needed something that I TOTALLY don't have and get an F on it. WATCH!!! Just WATCH as I willingly bring this devestation down upon my academic career!!) I don't think. Math homework is due, too, but I find ways around that. It's the other stuff I can't avoid. DAMN. Why do I do this to myself??? Why do I procrastinate until I cannot procrastinate anymore? Why am I planning to do all this work the morning it's due? And what makes me think I am actually going to get up and do it? I ask myself these questions as I UPDATE MY FREAKING LIVEJOURNAL!! This is the LAST thing I should be doing right now. I never even update, and of course, I feel like doing it now. It's okay. I'm a bad student today. Fuck you, livejournal, for sucking me away from my studies!!

This school year needs to end...FAST. All of my teachers are mental, along with a growing majority of my classmates. My family is kind of crazy too, and so are some of my friends!! I think what we all need is a vacation! My mind is really everywhere right now. It's weird. I need to chill and take a break or something. I'm so scattered. I need a nice getaway vacation to Hawaii or something where I can sip water through a straw and sleep all day. I don't know why I need Hawaii for that. I could do it in my own home. I die in hot weather anyway, so Hawaii was a stupid idea.

I'm way tired now. OMG Action League Now is on!! I love this show!!! Ohh, but it's over. Sad.

All these verses share a theme: We don't amount to anything.

2004-05-13T04:05:36Z

Dude, I'm so excited because I'M GETTING MY BRACES OFF!! I have one more appointment, and after that, they are taking them off!! Yay!! I'm way happy about this. For some reason it felt like I would have them on forever. Like I never thought much about getting them off, but now that I kinda know when it's going to happen, I'm all excited. I reeeally hope they don't keep pushing back the date like they do for some people. That would suck! So yeah, hopefully all that works out. Woo hoo!!

Aside from the news that my braces were due off soon, my orthodontist apointment was the like the worst one I've ever had. I do not know what they were doing, but the pain was EXCRUCIATING!! Then they told me I have to wear rubber bands again, but this time I have to wear them kind of up front. Can you say gross?? It looks really crazy, like I have all kinds of shit in my mouth. Or like I have some weird vampire fangs or something. It's cool though. I can deal with it. As long as the braces come off after this, I'm down!!

Today I had one of the most humiliating moments of my existence. Well, it wasn't THAT bad. But it was pretty bad. It was at lunch time. It was really embarassing, but not like Teen Magazine's "Mortifying Moments" embarassing. It's a long story. Oh well. After "the moment", Chrystal and I went and ate lunch alone on the grass like dorks. It was fun.

Today I got SALSA!!! It's way good!! And it was so crazy, we were gonna go to Safeway and we were about to park when we saw MS. FINDLEY walking in!! This was a problem because I didn't go to her class today. I slept in, so I couldn't let her see me. I got in trouble for sleeping in today, too. My dad got all angry and said that I couldn't be on the computer or the phone after ten. Luckily, he forgot. So I guess I'm not in trouble. YAY!!

It soo feels like a Thursday today. Oh God, I just remembered that I'm supposed to bring some kind of food for this art academy picnic thing tomorrow. Later.

Long time no update !!

2004-05-11T04:30:31Z

Today was a good day in comparison to yesterday which was a really crappy day even though nothing really terrible happened or anything. Today was a block day. I had world history first period, and the hunch I have that Ms. Findley is completely out of her mind insane has been confirmed beyond all argument. It's funny to watch all the insane things she does. Then I had Italian which was two hours of nothing at all, as usual. Then I had drama. Fun fun fun. School is boring. People are so bitchy, I hate it. I guess certain people feel the need to make EVERYTHING dramatic. Not that I've never made a big deal out of nothing. I have. But I don't make a big deal out of everything. It just pisses me off to see this going on every second of the day. Don't they get tired of it?? I'm just trying not to get involved with any of it. But everything's so weird. Anyway, I cannot believe school is almost over. It's a good kind of disbelief, believe me. But still, dude, it went by hella fast. I wonder how my grades are right now. I really have no clue. Oh my god I am soo obsessed with salsa right now. That is like my food of the week. I could eat it with almost anything!!!! But it has to be way mild because I have like zero spicy tolerance. Dude, really, salsa is so good. Unfortunately, I have none at my house.

So this morning I was in this crazy mood. I was reeeally easily annoyed by my classmates. I swear, in world history, I wanted to KILL. Maybe it's not me. Maybe it's the fact that my class is full of retards and stoners who are incapable of doing, well, just about anything. But anyway, this weekend was way fun. Except for yesterday, which kind of blew. My little cousin is gonna be gay I think. It's funny, he likes spanking my brother's butt, and doing all sorts of other gay things.

This was totally a stupid entry, but I just wanted to let my journal know that I hadn't abandoned it.

Baby I am missing you, I want you by my side!!

2004-04-18T20:14:01Z

Well, yesterday was a hideously unproductive day, as expected, but for some reason I went to bed feeling very good. I did nothing all day. It was depressing. I spent hours at the computer, and more hours staring at the tv. I wasn't even watching; I absorbed nothing. I just kind of sat and looked at the tv and said to myself "Hm, this is a good way to waste full half hour chunks of my day". I went outside once, just to see what the weather was like. Pathetic, I know.

I found my cell phone. Hell yeah, baby!! It's all charged up and ready for me to take it out. I just gotta find someplace to go, and then get permission!! Oh yeah, I talked to the parentals too. They lectured about how I bitched for a cell phone and got one and I never have it with me ever and I abuse the freedom that I am given and I'm care free and irresponsible and all of those other desirable traits that I posess. So now my cell phone will basically be glued to my ass, so yes, people, call me!!! I have plenty of unused minutes, considering I use my phone about twice a month. I think they know that I do understand why I'm grounded, because I totally do. I am somewhat careless when it comes to keeping in touch with them. And it's true, they don't ask much of me. They let me go out a lot and they give me a lot of freedom, and all they ask is that I keep them updated. So I totally understand, but nonetheless I will still bitch and plead for them to end this fucking restriction and let me go free!!!

I want green uggs. They haven't made them yet, and probably won't for a long time. But when they do make them, I am going to buy them. I think I just want uggs period. I guess I'd get the regular tan color. They are comfortable as hell, seriously, it's not even funny, and I hella need some new shoes. I'm fucking sick of converse. I hate them. I love my own personal pairs, like my pink ones and my black ones (not my fucking green ones...those have bad vibes...they are so ugly...fuck my green converse) but I just hate the rest of them. And I can't wear my vans all the time because they are just so hot that I don't want them to be all grungy and dirty like the rest of my shoes. My mom bought me black Dr. Marten's but they look like mens work boots, and I already have a mens work boot-esque pair of shoes, so yeah...a no go. I would totally sport yellow Dr. Marten's like my sister has. They are sexy, dude. But the black ones, eh, they are just boring.

Block schedualing for next week is insane. I have come to the conclusion that any and all members of the school board who had a say in the matter were on heavy drugs at the time the decision was made, because it's either that, or they are just really stupid. I'll go with the drug story. It's got more zest.

You know, I think that I should start speaking the way Mary Shelley writes in Frankenstein. In Frankenstein, everything is so fucking dramatic. Victor is like constantly drowning and suffering in such anguish and agony throughout the whole thing so far. It's so funny, it's just so, fuck, I can't explain it. Maybe you have to read it. But it's so incredibly dramatic. It's like a damsel in distress or something. It's fucking hilarious. It's great. I get such a kick out of it. It's like, drama queen to the max.

My brother got home from camping today. He wants to go to Benihana's tonight for dinner since yesterday was his birthday and we didn't get to see him. Benihana's is kind of gross, or at least it was the last time I went. The guy flung shrimp at my face in front of my whole family. It was really embarassing and I have deep emotional problems that rooted from that very incident. LOL

Oh, the most vile of all tragedy! Oh, the horror eternally haunting that of my very being! (Look!! I'm exhibiting my skill AND fulfilling my desire for making obscure, meaningless things seems earth-shatteringly agonizing, just like Mary Shelley does throughout an entire 200+ page novel! WOW! That takes work! Teach me your ways, Mary Shelley!) I just read my horoscope for today and yesterday, and GUESS WHAT THEY SAY??? Well, I'll tell you.

Here's your Libra horoscope for Sunday, April 18th:

A chatty, fun-loving friend, possibly from out of town, will make their way into your world, bringing along a dose of just what the doctor ordered -- fun, fun and fun. Pretend it's Saturday again, and get dressed.

Here's the Libra horoscope for Saturday, April 17th:

It's your turn to shine -- and not a moment too soon. Get together with friends, and wear whatever makes you feel sexy. Whether you're single or attached, there's nothing wrong with making sure you're noticed.

(Thank you, VaVaVirgil!!)

OH THE TORTUROUS ANGUISH WREACKED UPON MY WRETCHED, WRETCHED SOUL!! (<--more dramatic insanity, thank you Mary Shelley for your inspiration!) Now, I don't even believe in horoscopes, BUT it is ironic that my horoscope for this very weekend of my grounding should be one that encourages social behaviors, fun, and friends, all of which I am being deprived of. Again, don't take me seriously. I am feeling really insane right now. Well, I'm crazy. See ya!! And fuck you all very much!!

★ Nina

Looks like morning in your eyes

2004-04-17T21:55:21Z

I have spent half of a beautiful Saturday sitting in front of a computer screen doing NOTHING of importance...God, I need to stop wasting my life away in front of the computer. I suffer all week and look forward to the weekend, and this is how I spend my time?? Well, what else could I be doing? I'm fucking grounded (for the first time) for being "irresponsible". Whatever, I guess I am sometimes. My parents were just pissed because I didn't call them until 11:30 and they assumed I was coming home at 10 because when they asked me when the show was over, I told them I was guessing ten or so. Fuck that. I just want to be out right now. If I weren't grounded I would probably be at home right now anyway, but just knowing that I can't go out and have fun makes me want to all that much more. Lately it just feels like I've been floating along, not knowing exactly where I'm going. And just kind of dealing with things as they come, and only worrying about the moment. It's weird and hard to explain. It's not a bad thing, I don't think. But somehow it's different. Maybe I just want school to end or something like that. Anyway, yesterday was stupid. I do not know why, but for some reason, yesterday was stupid in just about every single way that it could have been. School was very stupid. And the show was too. It was sort of fun, you know. I got to hang out with my friends and all that groovy stuff, but I wasn't really feelin any of the bands, except for Organized Ignorance because I think they're cool. But other than that, it was just, okay. To put it simply, I was bored. Apparently I wasn't the only one, which is good so I don't feel like I'm some crazy ass bitch who hates everything and can't have fun. I'm bored as fuck. I should clean up my room so I can find my cell phone. Maybe if I find it and have it charged and everything my parents will see that they can get a hold of me at any time and then MAYBE they will let me go out!! I don't know where I'd go, but still I'd go out. I kind of wanted to go to Donnie Darko at the midnight movie but I don't want to push it, because right now they're all high strung about me being out late and shit. So I dunno. Later.
★ Nina

You can't sit still for very long, I turned to look but you were gone.

2004-04-15T05:32:16Z

So what's new in the life of Nina Kahn? Well, not much. It feels like I've been busy, but I have no idea as to what I could possibly have been busy with. I've been doing my homework ( if you exclude math homework ). I have hella lines to memorize for the skit due on Friday. Last weekend was so fun because I got to 1) eat junk food, which was cool because I gave it up for lent so I hadn't had any for like two months or something. 2) see my lover Mark Ruffalo is his latest movie "Thirteen Going on Thirty". I seriously was about to like, pee my pants That's how hot he is. 3) hang out with my cousins on Easter. 4) ride in Mappy's truck. 5) wear the Papa Murphy's pizza costume for a while and hang out on the streets of Seaside. So yeah. This week has been pretty chill. This is kind of a pointless update. I don't really have much on my mind. I'm just really bored. Peace out Girl Scouts.

She bangs!!!

2004-04-07T05:52:57Z

There are some stupid things in this world. Let me name just a few:
-School and homework.
-Having braces.
-The flu germs that got me sick today.
-Skanky, pathologically lying "friends".

There are also some not so stupid things:
-Degrassi.
-Friends who are not skanky pathological liars.
-Water.
-Getting braces off in the near future.
-Freezing yogurt. ( Thank you Sam!! )

YEAH!!! So, my day in a nutshell: I stayed home sick and slept and had bad stomach aches. I failed at all attempts to start my homework. I talked on the phone a little, watched TV a little, played guitar a little. It was depressing in that "home from school with the flu" kind of way. That was pretty much it.